I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
