This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
