I can tuck mytits in my pants
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
