brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
