You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
