Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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