honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
