I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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