Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
