All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
