Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I don't deserve a penis
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
