I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
