"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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