Tell her she can't have a vagina
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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