If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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