there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
