you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
