A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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