awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
