i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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