Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
