Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
