what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
