but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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