Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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