We won't sleep together?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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