I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
