just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
