considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
