i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize