new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
