There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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