no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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