I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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