i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
