i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
