Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
