Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
