I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I party with great urgency now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
