so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
