and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
