Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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