YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Randomize
