just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
