so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
