good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
