It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
