Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Randomize
