Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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