i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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