8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We had to coat check the pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize