I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
