My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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