I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Text me some of your sweat
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize