The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
