North Korea, Best Korea!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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