she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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