I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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