Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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