Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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