shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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