You can't special order awesome
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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