the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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