I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
