Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
