I just made out with a guy for $7.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
