nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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