But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
