One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
