well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
false alarm, still single
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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