My room smells like vodka and shame
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just want to make out with him forever
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
