Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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