he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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