I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
