The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
