Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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