I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
