Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
